Shipping and Healing [Crosspost]
Mar. 2nd, 2019 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_shewolf [Original post made to Dreamwidth Feb. 6th, 2019]
It was back in about 2015 that I was much more attacked for ships I liked. The ship in question was BillDip, from Gravity Falls, a ship between a weird ass eldritch triangle, and a 12 year old boy. Before that, there was some uneasy chatter in ~2013 about BlackIce from Rise of the Guardians, a ship between Jack Frost and Pitch Black, but it really hit a peak boiling point in 2015. Things just got so heavy. And it did make me start to be critical of what I liked.
And no, not as in "golly thinking about it, I shouldnt do this" critical, but critical as in actually thinking deeply, and asking 'what is it about these dynamics or characters that makes me enjoy them?'. Around that time it was 'acceptable' on Tumblr to "Cope Ship". I thought about that critically, too. What determined whether a ship was for coping, or just for enjoyment? And did it really matter? No, of course it didn't, but because of the assault in the tags and ask box and fanmail (when it was still a thing) really weighed down on me. But to say a ship is a 'coping ship' outs you as a survivor of some sort of abuse, some sort of trauma, some sort of upset in your life that in all honesty you use ships to avoid, even if you don't realize it.
I for one was really unsure if I was 'coping' with ships. It's often not a conscious decision to do! You don't sit and one day think 'hmm I'll project the issues I experienced in my abuse on characters, and play it out in a way I find enjoyable or cathartic'. It just happens. It's an intuitive process for some people, and when you're aware of it, it seems to increase in it's catharsis.
But that year and onward, I became used to just... Outing myself. I repeated my abuse as a defense, where others were using it to attack. It hurt, it wore me the fuck down, it made Fandom terrifying. I used to talk about my abuse as a catharsis in itself. It was refreshing to take the weight and share it with my friends, to let them in on this dark private part of me. And now it was just something I had to vomit up to be excused from death threats. And I never felt excused. "You're awful if you ship this and you should die! Unless youre a survivor, of course". That little bit at the end did jack shit. Even prefacing your hatred with 'this doesnt include people of [x] category' doesn't help, doesn't make them feel any less attacked.
And then it became popular to cling to the idea that cope shipping was 'unhealthy coping'. It just crippled me further. I had a hell of a year in 2015 into 2016, and my therapist knows. I talked about it a lot. I had learned that I liked even more unconventional types of content in my ships, I loved it awful, I replaced intimacy with violence, it just felt right. And I learned a lot that year. I grew despite the bullshit about what fictional characters I wanted to have sex, and how I wanted them to do it.
This past year has been another year of healing, and I've noticed it... Through my ships.
No, I'm not suddenly shipping sunshine and daisies and fluffy stuff, but I am having that be a little more common in my thoughts. But the main thing I realized that made me notice that I was healing was... I started shipping more M/F (hetero) ships and couples.
"What does that have to do with anything? Het ships are booooring."
No, they aren't, but as with most things, women have been criticized for their clinging to M/M ships while simultaneously being told that M/F is uninteresting. Did anyone ever stop and think just why M/M was more popular in the first place?
Male characters are given more personality and interesting traits, they dominate stories constantly, you're made to understand them deeper while the female characters mostly sit in the back line or get fridged. That's a pretty common reasoning and explanation, but not the only one.
Another way sort of relates to that, though. Women are taught to hate what they are. Sometimes the ways they are taught are subtle, sometimes its overt. They aren't as strong or interesting as men, they aren't given the same opportunities as men, their flaws in a man are considered gifts and talents. So why not lean towards male characters? Why not project on a male character so he seems interesting and ship him with a man?
Of course, these are also not the only reason.
Mine, specifically, is a small mix of the two above but with a third: I was abused. Do you know how hard it is to insert yourself into any romantic or sexual situation after you've been violated that way? I'll let you in, it's not easy. I leaned towards M/M because it allowed me to explore my trauma though characters who were physically unlike me. It was an extra boundary within the safety that fanfiction and fan content already provided me.
And the fact that I've started really leaning into M/F ships and more away from M/M, and project onto the female characters, and be able to in a less protected way insert myself into these fantasies to cope with being abused... Is such a step forward. And it feels almost small, and I'm afraid I might even get backlash from fandoms from it- I've had friends go through it! I've seen it! It's annoying and stupid and.... People just don't realize that shipping and fandom isn't just a fun little hobby to keep themselves entertained, but can also be a subconscious way to heal and overcome problems in their real lives.
That's what fiction has always been! And calling it Fanfiction doesn't make it any less of that!
Anyway this was just... a small rant to get this out of my system, because it's been on my brain lately. In the end, this is mostly an exploration of self, opinion, and what I perceive, so, like, don't get all upset if I said something that doesn't 100% fit your situation, or someone elses. It's just my own speculations.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-03-04 08:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-03-08 01:37 am (UTC)