Escapism

Ive been dealing with the desire to Escape a lot lately. Its not entirely surprising. The pandemic has everyone desperate to leave, slavering at the maws for what we view freedom as. But the more I explore in my own confines, the more I Seek to Escape, the deeper I want to go. I want to experience Escape. I want to experience things Ive never experienced before.

Pain i've never endured, fear i've never felt, drugs that scared me in my youth as the adult propaganda entailed. I want to run and ignore the fears of others' faces, until I fall. I WANT to fall, to experience the brief and torturous fear that is the anticipation to the landing. I want to ride my bike and take a hard turn again, end up road rashed and bleeding. I want to get bit by an alligator. Get hit by a car.

Experience misery and misfortune so I can experience the joy of overcoming again. I want to swim beneath the levels of the ocean I've never dared. I want to experience the fear of drowning. The terror of life leaving my body. I want to lay in the grass and feel the bugs walk over me like im a corpse to desecrate.

Im so tired of being bound by fear and caution, but even being tired of them doesn't mean they will simply go away. I'll go to sleep and wake up and it'll be the same existence Ive been working through for years.

I'm not yet in the trap of contentment. I'm happy, genuinely happy. But there's still so much to experience. Joy and thrill and fear and pain, more misery and upset, but more euphoric joy, too. I still feel so violently trapped in this human cycle that we've evolved into...